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I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

Anthony Jeselnik

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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 45
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Write
Else
Better
Writing
Would
Jokes
Terrible
Everybody

More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

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When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something.
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It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.
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Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works.
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You look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your fingernails.
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2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
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What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I think my fans feel that way.
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You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.
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Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.
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People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks you're going to be a jerk but if people think you're a nice guy then it's tough because it's what they expect.
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Dark humor appealed to me because it was a bigger laugh than you could get with anything else. Seeing people laugh at something inappropriate with their whole bodies, a guttural, visceral laugh beyond a mere hah.
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I tell very mean jokes.
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I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say.
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Do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it
Anthony Jeselnik
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I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite, there really aren't hecklers, and there are a lot of people there to see me, and they're excited about the jokes and hanging out with me for a show.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Everyone has the same kind of fears everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death and I hope horrible things dont happen to my family, but they do. And I think people laugh at them as this great release.
Anthony Jeselnik