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I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
Anthony Jeselnik
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Anthony Jeselnik
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: December 22
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Producer
Pittsburg
Pennsylvania
Never
Ripping
Like
Wright
Geniuses
Stephen
Emulate
Seemed
Genius
Loved
Mitch
More quotes by Anthony Jeselnik
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.
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I've got a long history of suicid in my family the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
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Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.
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It's always difficult when someone close to you passes away. But it's really tough when they're on top of you.
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
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My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person... so I can get a better girlfriend.
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I love anyone who surprises me and makes me laugh.
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2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream.
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I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
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I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking.
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I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, Here's what I would say. Here's what I would do if I got up there. It drives me crazy.
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My dad was amazing. He raised five boys. All by himself. Without the rest of us knowing.
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I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.
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I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.
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In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to say it. It was almost like I had some brilliant novel in my head that I had to get down, and I would interrupt class all the time and get in trouble.
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I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.
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I'm very arrogant and mean. I'm almost like a bad guy professional wrestler.
Anthony Jeselnik
People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.
Anthony Jeselnik
I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to be an atheist.' I don't agree. I think it's more optimistic to think that there is no God, no afterlife.
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I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up.
Anthony Jeselnik
