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I know I've got a death wish. I've never enjoyed my life, I've never liked people. I love the mountains because they are the negation of life, indestructible, inhuman, untouchable, indifferent, as I want to be.

Anna Kavan

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Anna Kavan
Age: 67 †
Born: 1901
Born: April 10
Died: 1968
Died: December 5
Novelist
Painter
Writer
AS Cannes
Liked
Mountain
Untouchable
Wish
Negation
Death
Indestructible
Never
Inhuman
Love
Indifferent
Life
Mountains
People
Enjoyed

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Reality had always been something of an unknown quantity to me.
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I had never before met anyone who owned a telephone and believed in dragons.
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I had a friend, a lover. Or did I dream it? So many dreams are crowding upon me now that I can scarcely tell true from false: dreams like light imprisoned in bright mineral caves hot, heavy dreams ice-age dreams dreams like machines in the head.
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My ideas were confused. In a peculiar way, the unreality of the outer world appeared to be an extension of my own disturbed state of mind.
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I had a curious feeling that I was living on several planes simultaneously the overlapping of these planes was confusing.
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Because of my fear that the daytime world would become real, I had to establish reality in another place.
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To wait - only to wait - without even the final merciful deprivation of hope.Sometimes I think that some secret court must have tried and condemned me, unheard, to this heavy sentence.
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You mustn't be so afraid of life - it's all we've got. Don't let it hurt you so much.
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At last I feel identified with the mountains, clean, cold, hard, detached.
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Everything was quiet, as if the silence was listening.
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