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The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Rule
Today
Everything
Good
Smaller
Life
Expensive
Third
Thirds
Yesterday

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
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Every one starts out being an atheist.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
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When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.
Andy Rooney
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
Andy Rooney
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More
Andy Rooney