Quote

One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Many
Weekend
Going
Reports
Things
Accidents
Telling
News
Sure
Dies
Automobile
Keep
July

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I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
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There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.
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When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
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I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
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