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We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Make
Terrorists
Cheat
Liars
Terrorist
Beings
Among
Human
Prouder
Humans
Cheats

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The best thing about a vacation is planning it.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
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Death is a distant rumor to the young.
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The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
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It's best to give advice in only two circumstances when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.
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Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
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