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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Worth
Whatever
Staying
Bed
Late

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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Person-to-person, most people are honest.
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I like animals who trust people.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.
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