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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
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Billionaire
Doors
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
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You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
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When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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There are sixteen cans of coffee here together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?
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I like animals who trust people.
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
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The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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Don't keep saying, I don't know where the time goes. It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
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