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You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Better
Always
Popping
Shut
Keeping
Mouth
Mouths
Stop
Almost

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
Andy Rooney
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I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney
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We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.
Andy Rooney
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You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
Andy Rooney
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
Andy Rooney
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
Andy Rooney
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the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
Andy Rooney
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Every one starts out being an atheist.
Andy Rooney
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
Andy Rooney
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
Andy Rooney
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney
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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
Andy Rooney
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I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
Andy Rooney
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A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
Andy Rooney