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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Someone
Government
Something
Confidential
Assistant
Assistants
Washington
Asks
Tell

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
Andy Rooney
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
Andy Rooney
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
Andy Rooney
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
Andy Rooney
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I'm already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You'd have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.
Andy Rooney
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
Andy Rooney
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Andy Rooney
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
Andy Rooney
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
Andy Rooney
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
Andy Rooney
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
Andy Rooney
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
Andy Rooney
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
Andy Rooney
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
Andy Rooney
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
Andy Rooney
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
Andy Rooney
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
Andy Rooney
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
Andy Rooney