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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Values
Fats
Fatten
Made
Clearly
Sodium
Creatures
Nutritional
Americans
Nazis
Value
Bacon
Type
Noblest
Food
Nazi
Full
Pathetic

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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.
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Every one starts out being an atheist.
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You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, Could you throw this away for me?
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
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