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Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
People
Later
Return
Days
War
Fashioned
Way
Fought
Good
Sooner
Time
Wars
World
Killed

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There are sixteen cans of coffee here together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, Could you throw this away for me?
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The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.
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I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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It's best to give advice in only two circumstances when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.
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Don't keep saying, I don't know where the time goes. It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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