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Finding the tool is often half the battle.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Tool
Findings
Finding
Tools
Battle
Half
Often

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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
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I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.
Andy Rooney
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, Could you throw this away for me?
Andy Rooney