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Don't keep saying, I don't know where the time goes. It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Time
Goes
Saying
Gone
Known
Keep
Place
Ever
Always

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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don't want a lot of people handling something I'm going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn't handle it before you sent it to me?
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Being kind is more important than being right.
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The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something.
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I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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