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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Inspirational
Without
Like
Scotch
Milk
Fats

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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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I think Dan [Rather] is transparently liberal. Now he may not like to hear me say that. I always agree with him, too. But I think he should be more careful.
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A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?. She doesn't care what you think.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
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We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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If you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
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Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
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You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.
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Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about information technology, but they don't have much interest in the information. I'm the opposite.
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It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.
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