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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Wells
Well
Writing
Much
Passes
Good
Badly
Television
Often
Write

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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.
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In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.
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Numbers are the most certain things we have.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea.
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I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
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The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.
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If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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