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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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Death is a distant rumor to the young.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost someone will take the ones you miss.
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You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
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Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about information technology, but they don't have much interest in the information. I'm the opposite.
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