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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
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More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
Andy Rooney
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
Andy Rooney
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Andy Rooney
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You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.
Andy Rooney
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The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
Andy Rooney
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Numbers are the most certain things we have.
Andy Rooney
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, Could you throw this away for me?
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
Andy Rooney
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
Andy Rooney
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Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about information technology, but they don't have much interest in the information. I'm the opposite.
Andy Rooney
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Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
Andy Rooney
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
Andy Rooney
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Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
Andy Rooney
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Andy Rooney
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
Andy Rooney
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
Andy Rooney