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I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Keep
May
Tender
Soft
Tomorrow
Learned
Words

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Death is a distant rumor to the young.
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Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.
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My most serious character flaw is that I don't deny myself much.
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.
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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily.
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I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don't want a lot of people handling something I'm going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn't handle it before you sent it to me?
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
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I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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There are sixteen cans of coffee here together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?
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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 +, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
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