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If I'd known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can't remember a single project I would have started.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Problem
Finished
Many
Projects
Going
Problems
Would
Single
Started
Known
Running
Wrestling
Remember
Project

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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get away from each other. We need proximity and distance, conversation and silence. We almost always get more of each than we want at any one time.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
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I know a lot of you believe that most people in the news business are liberal. Let me tell you, I know a lot of them, and they were almost evenly divided this time. Half of them liked Senator Kerry the other half hated President Bush.
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Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
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Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
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I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
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