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For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 +, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Years
Smart
Relics
Fool
Sausage
Year
Waitress
Woman
Stunning
Making
Breakup
Wells
Pants
Well
Yellow
Balding
Every
Hot
Relic

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.
Andy Rooney
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
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If you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
Andy Rooney
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
Andy Rooney
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
Andy Rooney
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
Andy Rooney
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Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
Andy Rooney
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I'm already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You'd have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.
Andy Rooney
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The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
Andy Rooney
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
Andy Rooney
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I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Andy Rooney
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Andy Rooney
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.
Andy Rooney
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney
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The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.
Andy Rooney
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
Andy Rooney
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It's best to give advice in only two circumstances when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
Andy Rooney