Quote

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Thought
Yeah
Enjoying
Back
Positive
Sharing
Ever
Share
Machine
Right
Hear
Test
Great
Stop
Speaking
Beep
Love
Hope
Tests
Clinic
Enjoy
Machines
Answering
Someone
Messages
Corny

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Person-to-person, most people are honest.
Andy Rooney
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
Andy Rooney
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.
Andy Rooney
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
Andy Rooney
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I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney
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Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
Andy Rooney
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
Andy Rooney
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One of the things we can be sure of over the July 4th weekend is that news reports will keep telling us how many of us are going to die in automobile accidents.
Andy Rooney
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Every one starts out being an atheist.
Andy Rooney
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
Andy Rooney
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
Andy Rooney
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
Andy Rooney
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One of my major shortcomings - I'm vindictive. I don't know why that is. Even in petty things in my life I tend to strike back. It's a lot more pleasurable a sensation than feeling threatened.
Andy Rooney
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Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Andy Rooney
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Andy Rooney
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
Andy Rooney
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
Andy Rooney