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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Back
Positive
Sharing
Ever
Share
Machine
Right
Hear
Test
Great
Stop
Speaking
Beep
Love
Hope
Tests
Clinic
Enjoy
Machines
Answering
Someone
Messages
Corny
Thought
Yeah
Enjoying

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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In the United States alone, we spend seven times as much on war as on education. There's something wrong there. On this Memorial Day, we should certainly honor those who have died at war, but we should dedicate this day, not so much to their memory, but to the search for a way to end the idiocy of the wars that killed them.
Andy Rooney
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Andy Rooney
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
Andy Rooney
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... all of us talk faster than we listen.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
Andy Rooney
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
Andy Rooney
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I am not retiring. Writers don't retire. Writers never stop writing.
Andy Rooney
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Every one starts out being an atheist.
Andy Rooney
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I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.
Andy Rooney
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
Andy Rooney
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
Andy Rooney
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All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.
Andy Rooney
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
Andy Rooney
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
Andy Rooney
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do.
Andy Rooney
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New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.
Andy Rooney
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
Andy Rooney
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Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
Andy Rooney
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
Andy Rooney