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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Gets
Goes
Learned
Toilet
Ends
Toilets
Life
Closer
Like
Roll
Faster
Paper

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
Andy Rooney
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Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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Numbers tend to give the impression that there's more order in the world than there is.
Andy Rooney
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
Andy Rooney
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
Andy Rooney
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion - as long as it agrees with ours.
Andy Rooney
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
Andy Rooney
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I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
Andy Rooney
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In a conversation, keep in mind that you're more interested in what you have to say than anyone else is.
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
Andy Rooney
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Dogs are nicer than people.
Andy Rooney
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost someone will take the ones you miss.
Andy Rooney
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
Andy Rooney
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
Andy Rooney
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We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.
Andy Rooney
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
Andy Rooney
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Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
Andy Rooney