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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney
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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Learned
Toilet
Ends
Toilets
Life
Closer
Like
Roll
Faster
Paper
Gets
Goes
More quotes by Andy Rooney
By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
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I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
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I'm already suspicious of anyone who thinks he or she is smart enough to be president. You'd have to have some ego to believe that about yourself.
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily.
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When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties.
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We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
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Numbers are the most certain things we have.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 +, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Andy Rooney
