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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Life
Closer
Like
Roll
Faster
Paper
Gets
Goes
Learned
Toilet
Ends
Toilets

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.
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Most college students are not as smart as most college presidents.
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We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.
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Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
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Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading Confused.
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A writer's job is to tell the truth.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
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I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
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We can all be prouder to be human beings, because that's what they were. They make up for a lot of liars, cheats, and terrorists among us.
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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