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I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
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I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
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I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
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Great teachers are usually a little crazy.
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All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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