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I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Subjects
Literature
Much
Pick
Picks

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
Andy Rooney
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Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading Confused.
Andy Rooney
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Finding the tool is often half the battle.
Andy Rooney
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Let's face it, though, anything that's apt to happen to an appliance like a blender isn't covered by the warranty anyway, so I never send them in. If it breaks, I'll buy a new one. That's the American way.
Andy Rooney
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Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney
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I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.
Andy Rooney
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.
Andy Rooney
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I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you -- the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what's wrong and try to make it better. That's what a patriotic American does.
Andy Rooney
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We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.
Andy Rooney
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
Andy Rooney
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Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
Andy Rooney
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney
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Don't keep saying, I don't know where the time goes. It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
Andy Rooney
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Andy Rooney
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If you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
Andy Rooney
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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.
Andy Rooney
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You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney