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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Phones
Secret
Literature
Firsts
Book
Reporter
First
Reporters
Thing
Secrets
Trying
Phone

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
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Flying is always an unpleasant experience. You wait an hour for every ten minutes you actually spend getting anywhere.
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I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
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I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
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One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
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I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.
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The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.
Andy Rooney
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
Andy Rooney
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?. She doesn't care what you think.
Andy Rooney
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I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
Andy Rooney
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People like to say, You're only as old as you feel, but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
Andy Rooney
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Andy Rooney
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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andy Rooney