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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Sarcastic
Fresh
Ground
Waiters
Asks
Pepper
Peppers
Waiter
Aged
Sarcasm

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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?. She doesn't care what you think.
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The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.
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I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
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Dogs are nicer than people.
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I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.
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I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous. I walk down the street or go to a football game and people shout, 'Hey Andy'. I hate that.
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There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular.... start enjoying the small things in life!
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There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.
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