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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Asks
Pepper
Peppers
Waiter
Aged
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Fresh
Ground
Waiters

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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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Great teachers are usually a little crazy.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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I often pass a farm with cows grazing in the field and I think to myself how terrible it is that human beings grow other animals just to kill them and eat them. Most of us think of vegetarians as nuts and I'm not a vegetarian but I wouldn't be surprised if we came to a time in 50 or 100 years when civilized people everywhere refused to eat animals.
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
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When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, Things aren't as good as they used to be. But it's hard not to.
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The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
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We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
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Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
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I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
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I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
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Walking is good for the soul.
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