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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Fresh
Ground
Waiters
Asks
Pepper
Peppers
Waiter
Aged

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I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others
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Death is a distant rumor to the young.
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.
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I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
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I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
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Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
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Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, Could you throw this away for me?
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
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I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
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I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
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I did not believe in the war. I thought it was wrong to go into any war. And I got to the war, and saw the Germans, and I changed my mind. I decided we were right going into World War II.
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
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