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Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Print
News
Fine
Literature
Ever
Nothing
Good

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
Andy Rooney
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Dogs are nicer than people.
Andy Rooney
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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Andy Rooney
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I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out?
Andy Rooney
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Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.
Andy Rooney
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There is obviously a great human need for religion because life seems to be such a mystery.
Andy Rooney
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Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, How can he want me the way I look in the morning? It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Andy Rooney
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Familiar things are a comfort to us all.
Andy Rooney
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
Andy Rooney
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I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
Andy Rooney
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
Andy Rooney
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I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off
Andy Rooney
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One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a nice guy and has done more with his money than most billionaires. But that's as far as I want to go being kind to Bill Gates.
Andy Rooney
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I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
Andy Rooney
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When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.
Andy Rooney
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The last birthday that's any good is 23.
Andy Rooney
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
Andy Rooney
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Ugly is very popular this year...I had a feeling these clothes were deigned by someone who didn't like women.
Andy Rooney
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In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.
Andy Rooney
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney