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I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Knew
Literature
Less
Wish
Littles
Little
Sales
Iran
Arms

More quotes by Andy Rooney

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Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.
Andy Rooney
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I'd be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn't believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don't think it does.
Andy Rooney
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A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?. She doesn't care what you think.
Andy Rooney
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I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.
Andy Rooney
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I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
Andy Rooney
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The teacher who knows the most about a subject isn't necessarily the one who can teach it best.
Andy Rooney
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You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
Andy Rooney
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am.
Andy Rooney
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I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
Andy Rooney
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
Andy Rooney
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I like animals who trust people.
Andy Rooney
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American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.
Andy Rooney
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.
Andy Rooney
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I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous. I walk down the street or go to a football game and people shout, 'Hey Andy'. I hate that.
Andy Rooney
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
Andy Rooney
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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Andy Rooney