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I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Knew
Literature
Less
Wish
Littles
Little
Sales
Iran
Arms

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I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.
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Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
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I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.
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It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.
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Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
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Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
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There are sixteen cans of coffee here together they hold a total of thirteen and a half pounds of coffee. Doesn't that seem like cheating?
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If you do see me in a restaurant, please, just let me eat my dinner.
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Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading Confused.
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
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Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
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Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about information technology, but they don't have much interest in the information. I'm the opposite.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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Everyone hates war, everyone says.
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I've learned... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral.
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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