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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Dog
Fun
Talk
Take
Would
Canine
Owning
Pet
Dogs

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Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.
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My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
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I know a lot of you believe that most people in the news business are liberal. Let me tell you, I know a lot of them, and they were almost evenly divided this time. Half of them liked Senator Kerry the other half hated President Bush.
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Person-to-person, most people are honest.
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The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.
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Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.
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I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
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People waiting for an elevator don't know what to do, standing with strangers. There is nothing to do. Its an uneasy time. Some press the button repeatedly as though it would help.
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No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
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Civilization means conforming to a standard of behavior that may not seem natural to us.
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Conservatives are more religious than liberals--although there is no evidence that they're nicer people because of it.
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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It is possible to be dumb and be a college president.
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It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.
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The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
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I just wish insignificance had more stature.
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I'm always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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