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If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Would
Canine
Owning
Pet
Dogs
Dog
Fun
Talk
Take

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I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
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Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.
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Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.
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Numbers are the most certain things we have.
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Bacon is clearly a food made by the Nazis to fatten up Americans. It has no nutritional value, is full of fat, sodium, and nitrates, and is a pathetic type of consumable made from the noblest of creatures.
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.
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A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
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Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.'
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
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Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.
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Being kind is more important than being right.
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Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
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I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.
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There's nothing people like better than being asked an easy question. For some reason, we're flattered when a stranger asks us where Maple Street is in our hometown and we can tell him.
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own.
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.
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