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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Andy Rooney

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Andy Rooney
Age: 92 †
Born: 1919
Born: January 14
Died: 2011
Died: November 4
Journalist
Screenwriter
War Correspondent
Writer
Albany
New York
Andrew Aitken Andy Rooney
Andrew Aitken Rooney
Elephants
Grandchildren
Grandfather
Grandmother
Forget
Never
Grandpa
Grandparent

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I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
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If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.
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Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
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The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.
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We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
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You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.
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Not many people in this world are as lucky as I've been. ... All this time I've been paid to say what is on my mind on television. You don't get any luckier in life than that.
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I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, Married! and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading Confused.
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Go to bed. Whatever you're staying up late for isn't worth it.
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Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
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I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.
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In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.
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It's best to give advice in only two circumstances when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.
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