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Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!
Andy Kindler
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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
First
Telephones
Hello
Bells
Invented
Sarcastically
Persons
Graham
Person
Alexander
Ever
Telephone
Firsts
Bell
More quotes by Andy Kindler
I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
Andy Kindler
I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.
Andy Kindler
Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.
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My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.
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If I don't believe in Jesus, maybe I don't believe in Hell. Did you ever think of that? You're so excited about it, why don't you go to Hell? It's your concept you invented it.
Andy Kindler
I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.
Andy Kindler
The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
Andy Kindler
President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.
Andy Kindler
There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.
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I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.
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Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.
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I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.
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Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.
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CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.
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I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
Andy Kindler
I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Yeah, I'd like the number of Macy's in Century City, California.' 'Did you say 'pretzel nuggets'?
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I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.
Andy Kindler
My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.
Andy Kindler
Eddie Izzard is doing his show in French... Will he be able to fake ad-lib as well in other languages? He's been speaking French for a while now, but he's talking about doing his act in German. Haven't the German people suffered enough?
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BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.
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