Quote

Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!

Andy Kindler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Bells
Invented
Sarcastically
Persons
Graham
Person
Alexander
Ever
Telephone
Firsts
Bell
First
Telephones
Hello

More quotes by Andy Kindler

Image
Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.
Andy Kindler
Image
People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?
Andy Kindler
Image
Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.
Andy Kindler
Image
I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this.
Andy Kindler
Image
Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all you have to do is call them up and tell them there's a Hitler film festival down at the multiplex - watch them file out.
Andy Kindler
Image
I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.
Andy Kindler
Image
I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought his reporting seemed familiar.
Andy Kindler
Image
Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.
Andy Kindler
Image
I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.
Andy Kindler
Image
I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.
Andy Kindler
Image
Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.
Andy Kindler
Image
Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.
Andy Kindler
Image
George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.
Andy Kindler
Image
Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.
Andy Kindler
Image
CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.
Andy Kindler
Image
Republicans are just rich, old, white people - that's all they are. You ever see the Republican National Convention? All white people - six black people: paid actors. James Earl Jones in his most difficult, challenging role! Tune in and attempt to watch him look pleased during a George Bush speech. And Clarence Thomas - as himself.
Andy Kindler
Image
Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.
Andy Kindler
Image
The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
Andy Kindler
Image
Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.
Andy Kindler
Image
President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.
Andy Kindler