Quote

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Andy Kindler

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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Speaking
Fully
Capable
Afraid
Kevin
Says
James
Vehicle
Turning
Cat

More quotes by Andy Kindler

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I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.
Andy Kindler
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President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.
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Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.
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Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.
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Eddie Izzard is doing his show in French... Will he be able to fake ad-lib as well in other languages? He's been speaking French for a while now, but he's talking about doing his act in German. Haven't the German people suffered enough?
Andy Kindler
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I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
Andy Kindler
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I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.
Andy Kindler
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Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.
Andy Kindler
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Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.
Andy Kindler
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My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.
Andy Kindler
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I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.
Andy Kindler
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I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Yeah, I'd like the number of Macy's in Century City, California.' 'Did you say 'pretzel nuggets'?
Andy Kindler
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I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.
Andy Kindler
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CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.
Andy Kindler
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They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. They keep you out in the woods and won't let you come back until you're funny. Lenny Bruce came up with his Religions Inc. bit on a day hike.
Andy Kindler
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I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.
Andy Kindler
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I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.
Andy Kindler
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Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.
Andy Kindler
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Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.
Andy Kindler
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George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.
Andy Kindler