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Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

Andy Kindler

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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Entire
Clean
Since
Felt
Better
Ever
Never
Life
Switched

More quotes by Andy Kindler

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The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
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I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.
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Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.
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I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
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I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
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Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.
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I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.
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I watched Master Class with Lorne Michaels on OWN. How can somebody produce a sketch show and talk for an hour and not say something even slightly amusing, or sarcastic, or ironic, or interesting, or informative? 'My mission as a producer is to encourage creativity.' Mission accomplished.
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I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act.
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I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.
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Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.
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BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.
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Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.
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My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.
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Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.
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I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.
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Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.
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I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.
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Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.
Andy Kindler
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Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.
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