Quote

I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

Andy Kindler

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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Made
Machines
Time
Working
Perfect
Stills
Still
Aces
Back
Hitler
Ever
Prevent
Going
Machine

More quotes by Andy Kindler

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I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
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I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.
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I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me at my bar-mitzvah. It was over when I was done.
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There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.
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I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
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Milk should be refrigerated even before opening.
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I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.
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Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.
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I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.
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George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.
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I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.
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I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.
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Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.
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I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.
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I watched Master Class with Lorne Michaels on OWN. How can somebody produce a sketch show and talk for an hour and not say something even slightly amusing, or sarcastic, or ironic, or interesting, or informative? 'My mission as a producer is to encourage creativity.' Mission accomplished.
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Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.
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Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.
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Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.
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BJ Novak gets the Perseverance Award for graduating from Harvard and being unemployed for the entire plane ride to Los Angeles.
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Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.
Andy Kindler