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I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

Andy Kindler

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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Fame
Career
Careers
Ends
Character
Recurring
Believe
Retired
Hall
Halls

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There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.
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Judah Friedlander, I'm ok with you being the world champion for a few years more. That's a hook with legs. But I think he should make one more hat, that says 'there's a limit to how funny words on a hat can be'. And then move to a chapeau.
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Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.
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Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.
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Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.
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I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.
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I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.
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I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.
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Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!
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Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.
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Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.
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I don't like any nastiness on tv unless it's coming from me.
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My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.
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Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.
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Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.
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If I don't believe in Jesus, maybe I don't believe in Hell. Did you ever think of that? You're so excited about it, why don't you go to Hell? It's your concept you invented it.
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Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.
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You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.
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I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this.
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I don't remember much about my bar mitzvah. The only thing I remember - I killed! That's what I remembered. Nobody could follow me at my bar-mitzvah. It was over when I was done.
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