Quote

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.

Andy Kindler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Actually
Minimize
Report
Holocaust
Pretending
Reports
Jew
Ashamed
Sorry

More quotes by Andy Kindler

Image
Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.
Andy Kindler
Image
They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. They keep you out in the woods and won't let you come back until you're funny. Lenny Bruce came up with his Religions Inc. bit on a day hike.
Andy Kindler
Image
I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.
Andy Kindler
Image
Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.
Andy Kindler
Image
I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.
Andy Kindler
Image
I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.
Andy Kindler
Image
Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all you have to do is call them up and tell them there's a Hitler film festival down at the multiplex - watch them file out.
Andy Kindler
Image
Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here.
Andy Kindler
Image
The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
Andy Kindler
Image
I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.
Andy Kindler
Image
Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.
Andy Kindler
Image
I don't really know what's wrong with Jay Leno. I don't have the training to make a professional diagnosis.
Andy Kindler
Image
Why does Louis CK get named Comedy Person of the Year? I should be named Comedy Person of the Year just so I can parlay it into another few weeks of road work.
Andy Kindler
Image
I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
Andy Kindler
Image
Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.
Andy Kindler
Image
You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.
Andy Kindler
Image
I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.
Andy Kindler
Image
I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.
Andy Kindler
Image
Alexander Graham Bell was the first person to ever sarcastically say hello. Hellooo, I invented the telephone!
Andy Kindler
Image
I don't know if it's the weather or what's going on - the summer or something like that - but recently I've been feeling extremely bisexual. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on, but I walked down the street and, suddenly, the ladies are looking awfully good to me.
Andy Kindler