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Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.

Andy Kindler

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Andy Kindler
Age: 24
Born: 2000
Born: January 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Realizing
Stuff
Rage
Realize

More quotes by Andy Kindler

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Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.
Andy Kindler
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I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say.
Andy Kindler
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Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.
Andy Kindler
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President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.
Andy Kindler
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I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.
Andy Kindler
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People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?
Andy Kindler
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Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.
Andy Kindler
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I noticed whenever you call information, 411, there's always a computer voice, and they go, 'What number would you like? City and state, please.' 'Yeah, I'd like the number of Macy's in Century City, California.' 'Did you say 'pretzel nuggets'?
Andy Kindler
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I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.
Andy Kindler
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I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence.
Andy Kindler
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Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.
Andy Kindler
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I watched Master Class with Lorne Michaels on OWN. How can somebody produce a sketch show and talk for an hour and not say something even slightly amusing, or sarcastic, or ironic, or interesting, or informative? 'My mission as a producer is to encourage creativity.' Mission accomplished.
Andy Kindler
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My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.
Andy Kindler
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Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.
Andy Kindler
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I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.
Andy Kindler
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Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended.
Andy Kindler
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I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!
Andy Kindler
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I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this.
Andy Kindler
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The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
Andy Kindler
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My friend taught me this one. You take the heel of your hand, you can shove someone's nose right through their brain. I can't even watch someone blow their nose. If I'm in a fight, I'm not gonna be shoving or poking, I'm gonna be running or begging - that's my two choices, right there.
Andy Kindler