Quote

To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

Andy Borowitz

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Romney
Republicans
Mark
Nominating
Republican
Hundredth
Titanic
Nominated
Mitt
Anniversary

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

Image
The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz
Image
All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
Andy Borowitz
Image
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Image
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
Andy Borowitz
Image
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
Andy Borowitz
Image
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
Image
I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Andy Borowitz
Image
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz