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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Female
Sick
Unless
Mexican
Poor
Romney
Awesome
Presidency
Gay
Dog

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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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