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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
News
Technology
Getting
Funny
Like
Directions
Twitter
Cat
Asking

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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