Quote

Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Funny
Like
Directions
Twitter
Cat
Asking
News
Technology
Getting

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

Image
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Image
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Image
If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
Andy Borowitz
Image
A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
Andy Borowitz
Image
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
Image
All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
Andy Borowitz
Image
We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy Borowitz
Image
If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
Andy Borowitz
Image
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
Andy Borowitz
Image
NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
Andy Borowitz