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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Getting
Funny
Like
Directions
Twitter
Cat
Asking
News
Technology

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
Andy Borowitz
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
Andy Borowitz