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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Forget
Funny
Death
Give
Starve
Giving
Twitter
Men
Fish
Fishes
Technology

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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