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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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